Zoids Newlywed Game
by The B.A.T
Summary: This is a Newlywed Game, people! There will be wacky pairings, and no, Bit is not in one of them! He's the host. Nothing but humor in this. If you have trouble reading this, e-mail me, and I'll send the readable version to you!


Hey there, what's up? YESSSS! Midterms are over! Soon my brain's functions will become fully operational again, and my next chapter to Two Birds, One Arrow will be complete! Yes, I have started on it, but I'm still not ready to finish it yet. This is a mid-step, not as simple as my little humor fic, but not yet like the one I've been working on for so long. It's still humor, but I've decided to do a Newlywed Game type fic, partly because I've read others and liked them and partly to see how I would do at it myself. For the sake of trying something different, I will write it in the proper playwriting script format, so if anyone gets ideas of doing the same they can refer to it. As you can see, I have very little life outside the typing world, but here's something you didn't know: I just won a citywide monologue contest and I'm really quite happy, so let me stop rambling and get this damned thing started. In any case, moving on…

Zoids Newlywed Game 

(Setting- A game show stage, four desks are lined side by side at reasonable distances in the lower left of the stage. The host's podium is center stage, and five desks for our judges are in the upper right. Out in the audience are Brad and Jack Sisqo, who are their usual quiet selves. Also in the audience are Stoller and Major Palta, accompanied by the Fuma Team. Wufei, Zechs, Quatre, Hitomi and Van are sitting in the balcony, Quatre being a little more enthusiastic than he should. Noin is the camerawoman, and Duo and Trowa are backstage tending to the judges and the game's host, Bit Cloud. Up above are the Tasker Sisters, who are tending to the lights. The curtain opens, and the entire studio fills with applause as Bit comes out to the podium. The judges, Dark Judge and Fair Judge, as well as Leon Tauros, Vega Obscura, and Oscar Hemeros, all take their seats at the desks assigned for them. Bit waves his hand, signaling for the applause to subside.)

BIT

Welcome one! Welcome all! As you all know, I'm your host, Bit Cloud, and this is another show of the Newlywed Game, where recent honeymooners come to test their knowledge about their lovers. Our first couple is a fiery one that will stop anyone from shooting off at the mouth with their own shooting abilities. She's a lovely one, and once she takes aim for your heart, she never misses! Let's give it up for Naomi Fluegel!

(applause, NAOMI enters, takes her seat and the applause subsides.)

And now, her true love. Watch out, she's got a fiery personality and she's not afraid to use it. Let's hear it for Leena Tauros!

(Applause resumes, LEON starts cheering for his sister.)

BRAD

Lesbians! Yes!

(LEENA picks up BIT's podium, throws it at BRAD, knocking him out, and cheering before sitting back down. The audience gets amazingly quiet…)

BIT

Oookaayyy! Leena, I'm going to have to ask you not to throw my podium again.

LEENA

Who, me? Did **_I _**do that? Sorry!

BIT

Before I say something I'm gonna regret, let's just move on to our next couple! They both have minds in the clouds, and that's exactly where their hearts met! The first, a cute one ladies! He's got a sweet and macho side, and you'll feel like you're dating two men, which isn't bad in some areas! Come out, Jamie!

(JAMIE enters, panties are flung onto the stage, apparently from HITOMI, and everyone sweat drops. JAMIE just takes his seat.)

And now, the green-haired beauty that shot this heartbreaker's own heart out of the sky and into her hands, the beautiful Pierce!

(PIERCE, enters, blowing kisses, applause at its loudest, and PALTA and STOLER start cheering loudly, making her blush. She takes her seat.)

BIT

Our third couple. Two geniuses, who definitely know how to take their passions seriously. If you're into the smart, maniacal type of guy who likes to get revenge over past affairs, then you'll love… Doctor Leyon!

(LEYON enters, munching on noodles and finding his way to his seat, ignoring all applause)

His true love, who loves to buy the best and is all about that money, Doctor Steven Tauros!

(STEVE enters, playing with a Liger and Berserk Fury model, and takes his seat.)

BIT

All right, let's get this freak show-- uh, I mean, game show started. I'll explain the rules. First off, as you know, this game tests your knowledge of your partner. I will ask you questions, and you'll answer them. Your partner will write his or her answer on a board, and if the answers match when the boards are flashed, you will receive points based on the difficulty of the question. You will each have a turn to do both, and at the end there will be an extra hard question. Needless to say, please try not to go into too much detail if the question does not suggest such drastic measures. The couple with the highest points at the end will receive the grand prize. That being said, on with the fir-- what is it Jamie?

JAMIE

You know, you talk too much.

BIT

Please refrain from saying ridiculous things until **_after _**I ask the question. Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention our blind date couple. The arrangement is that one of our designated people will get to make one of you audience members lucky, and maybe you'll go on to get married like these contestants!

(applause ensues)

Ladies, I present to you Harry Champ!

(whole audience, except for QUATRE, gets quiet. HARRY is dragged out in a straight jacket and gagged, and forced to sit at a desk while BENJAMIN holds a gun to his head. QUATRE throws a pair of panties on the stage, and everyone sweat drops.)

HARRY

What the hell? You can't do this to me! My father funds the show! I'll sue! Who had the nerve to put me on here? Leena's the only one for me!

(He looks out into the audience, and spots his sister, MARY, waving happily)

MARY

Yoohoo! Go Harry!

HARRY

Sis, you did this to me?

MARY

Of course! I couldn't let you get with that Leena woman! She's just not right for you!

(LEENA gets, up, NAOMI restrains her)

LEENA

What was that you snobby bitch! When I get my hands on you, I'll--

NAOMI (embracing LEENA warmly)

Leena, my love, please! It's not worth it.

LEENA (sniffling)

But… but… she insulted me… (more sniffles)

NAOMI

If you don't kill her, I'll make it up to you later…

LEENA (happier)

You, you mean it?

NAOMI

Yeah, besides (whispers in LEENA'S ear), she can say hello to our two Gun Snipers later on.

(LEENA chuckles evilly, NAOMI kisses LEENA passionately)

LEYON

How come you don't kiss me anymore, Steve?

STEVEN (still playing with his models)

Are you kidding me? After where your lips have been…

(BIT sweat drops, he is not alone in his feelings.)

BIT

Oookaaay… in any case, moving on to Harry's lucky partner, who claims to know Harry inside and out!

HARRY

How can I compete? She may know me but I don't know her!

BIT

That's why every correct answer you get will be worth twice as much!

HARRY (crying)

Why me?

BIT

Your partner will be… Katy Raberba Winner.

(QUATRE stands up, jumps off the balcony, runs to the stage and glomps HARRY. The entire studio sweat drops.)

QUATRE

Oh, Harry! My unfaltering love has burned for you so!

HARRY

… the hell? You're not even a girl!

QUATRE

What does it matter? We were destined to be together! (squeezes HARRY tighter)

HARRY

Bit! Do something! This has gotta be against the show's rules, yeah, that's it! It's gotta be!

BIT

Sorry Harry, due to lack of time and lack of people who actually like you, we've gotta move on. Besides, you two look so cute together!

HARRY

Very funny… Mary, you'd rather me be with a guy? What's the matter with you?

(BRAD reawakens)

MARY

Well, I **_am _**a girl. Besides, would you complain if two girls were together?

BRAD

Lesbians, yes!

HARRY

That's besides the point! I don't wanna be with him!

LEENA

Well **_learn _**to wanna be with him! That'll give me more time to catch up with my Naomi…

(LEENA snuggles closely to NAOMI, putting her hand in between her thigh and inducing a sound that I will not mention due to the young viewers of this little fic.)

FAIR JUDGE

Violation! Violation! That's against the rules! You cannot engage in foreplay on national television.

DARK JUDGE

I recall this being under regulation 0999! There are no rules here! That goes for Harry too!

BIT

As you can see, I've got support from the judges, so let's just move on. All right! For those of you in same-sex relationships, decide who's the husband and who's the wife!

LEENA

Oh yeah! I'm the husband! Yeah!

NAOMI (sweatdrop)

Yes, of course you are honey, just calm down a little.

LAYON

Steven, honey, I'll be the wife.

STEVE

Dammit, woman! Do you mind? I'm busy here! (continues playing with models) Whooosh!

QUATRE

Harry, my love, go up to the husband line and I'll be awaiting your sweet melodious return.

HARRY

…Whatever. I'll do it but I'm not gonna like it!

QUATRE

Oh, how sweet! You want to stay here with me instead! (glomps HARRY)

HARRY (choking)

No, no! I'll go! Anything but that! (runs to the husband line)

BIT (to himself)

I really don't get paid enough for this… All right! First question: in one word, how would you describe your husband's ability to fu-- I mean, love? Obviously, husbands, you need to know what your spouses think of you.

(NAOMI, LEYON, PIERCE, and QUATRE are writing their answers down.)

Couple number one…

LEENA

That's an easy one. Explosive!

BIT

What did you put down Naomi?

(NAOMI holds up a sign, and in large letters read BANG! BANG! BANG!)

I guess that matches up… one point for team one! Couple number two!

STEVE

Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious!

(entire room sweatdrops)

BIT

Okay, I'll try to forget that you said that! Leyon, is he wrong or right?

(LEYON holds up a sign that simply reads, 'Dull…')

STEVE

What? You can't be serious! What about all of those nights you said I was the best? I thought it was the greatest experience in the world.

LEYON

I only say that because that's what I'm supposed to do when we're married. What are you talking about all those nights? You haven't touched me in two months, not since I…

BIT

Okay! I asked you before to please refrain from going into any detail.

STEVE

It's your own fault! Now how am I supposed to kiss you after what you did?

LEYON

You should be able to kiss me no matter what! Typical male…

STEVE

You're a guy too, you know?

LEYON

But I'm not typical!

BIT

Will you guys please let me run my show? You can deal with this later. The fact remains that you didn't get the point, so on to couple three!

JAMIE

I lift her high into the skies, soaring past all feelings of comprehension, on a never-ending joyride through the clouds of ecstasy!

(BIT sweatdrops, PIERCE smiles, and NOIN throws panties at JAMIE. Who knew he could be such a poet?)

BIT

I'm not sure that constitutes as an answer. It's a mouthful, don't you think?

JAMIE

But that's what she put…

(PIERCE holds up a sign, which repeats JAMIE's answer word for word, with the except of changes in subject like 'I' to 'he')

BIT

Ooookayy… before I end up asking how that's possible, let's move on to couple four!

HARRY

I can't believe this!

BIT

I guess that's an answer. Quatre, is he right?

(QUATRE holds up a sign that reads, 'Unbelievable!')

BIT

Judges?

(Judges discuss, FAIR and DARK JUDGES arguing, and DARK JUDGE finally speaks for them.)

DARK JUDGE

We'll accept!

HARRY

WHAAAT! What is wrong with you people? We're not even married, and I've never even seen this guy before in my life!

QUATRE

He's very shy about our relationship, you see…  
  


BIT

Harry, don't get so upset! You got the question right, don't worry! Two points!

(HARRY just screams insanely)

Okay, on to question number two! What was the kinkiest thing you've ever done with your partner? Take some time to think about this, hubbies. Your wife may have a different definition of kinky! Team one, what was your answer!

LEENA

Well, we got to thinking about how we both have Gun Snipers, so we created a Gun Sniper mating ritual…

BIT

Okay! 'Nuff said! Naomi, was that the kinkiest thing you've ever done?

(NAOMI holds up sign that reads Gun Sniper mating ritual)

Whatever floats your boat, I guess… one point to team one! Now team two, what was your little mishap, I mean, adventure into the domain of kinky?

STEVE

Well, you see, one time, we decided to use one of my Stealth Viper models like a dildo, and…

BIT (panicked)

Please! Don't elaborate, I'm begging you! Leyon?

(LEYON holds up a sign reading 'Model Dildos- the worst mistake of my life!)

STEVE

Hey! I actually thought that was fun!

LEYON

You try having a hard, crooked Zoid figure shoved up your ass! I don't recall me doing that to you!

BIT

Guys, guys! Can you please settle this later? You've just gained one point. Team three!

(JAMIE is about to answer, but is taken over by WILD EAGLE)

WILD EAGLE

That's easy! It was when me and Pierce did it while sky diving!

BIT

I imagine that's very difficult to pull off. Pierce?

(PIERCE holds up a sign that says 'Sky dive sex! Whoo! Hoo!' The girls in the audience go nuts)

Settle down everybody! Now being that your kinkiness wasn't as bad as the others, you get two points! Team four!

HARRY (carefully choosing his words this time)

… we didn't do anything!

BIT

Quatre?

(QUATRE holds up a sign that reads, 'When Mary Decided to Join Us…')

What kind of family do you live in Harry?

HARRY

The type of family that does nothing like that! He's lying!

BIT

And what reason would he have to do that?

HARRY

It's a conspiracy! Yeah, that's it! You're all out to get me!

BIT

Before Harry loses enough sanity to continue the game, let's hurry on to question three: What do you think your partner finds romantic? Team one… answer the question.

(to himself)

Geez, there can't possibly be a disturbing answer for this question.

LEENA

I'd say the two of us holding each other, watching as our Gun Snipers spray the heavens with fireworks from our awesome Wild Weasel components.

BIT

Fireworks sound romantic… Naomi?

(NAOMI holds up a sign, which reads 'Holding me tenderly to protect me from a spray of firepower, after saving my life so unexpectedly)

LEENA

WHAAT? That's what Brad did!

NAOMI

I know… but I've always pictured you doing the same thing, my little firecracker…

LEENA (blushing)

Stop it… you're embarrassing me…

BIT

Okay, enough with the mushy stuff! Sorry, but you didn't get the point. Nice try though… team two!

STEVE

Sitting in a café, eating noodles for hours and finally going to buy some awesome Zoids merchandise.

BIT

Doesn't sound very romantic, but Leyon, what did you put down?

(LEYON pulls out a sign which reads 'A day of noodles and shopping')

Wow! You guys really do know each other, Team three!

WILD EAGLE

I know, flying in my Raynos side by side with her Stormsworder, an invincible team amidst the heavens.

(A pair of panties is flung, apparently from LEENA)

NAOMI

Leena! I thought you loved me!

LEENA

Couldn't help it! It sounded so beautiful, what he said.

BIT

Yeah, I must admit it did sound like a passage right out of one of those sappy girl novels. Don't ask me how I know. Pierce, prove your husband right.

(PIERCE's sign reads 'A nice candlelight dinner at home.')

WILD EAGLE

But honey, I thought you loved that stuff.

PIERCE

I do… it's just that not everything I love has to do with flying… I thought you would've known that.

(WILD EAGLE reverts back to JAMIE)

JAMIE

See? Told him we should've gone with the candlelight dinner answer, but nooo, he wouldn't listen. He just had to act out his Harlequinn novel fantasy adventures.

PIERCE

You mean, you knew? (he nods) Oh! Honey! (The two hug and engage in a passionate kiss)

BIT

Now that's what I call a 'kiss and make up' affair. You two don't even seem mad you didn't get the point.

PIERCE (breaking the kiss and glaring abruptly)

We're going to win!

JAMIE

That's my sweetheart. She expects nothing but perfection from our love.

BIT

Okay, final team for the first round! Harry, answer accordingly…

HARRY

That's just it! He doesn't **_have_** any romantic feelings because we aren't together!

BIT

That's an answer, I guess… Quatre?

(QUATRE holds up a sign, which reads 'I don't need romance! All I need is Harry!' All of the girls, on and off stage, sigh at this remark.)

BIT

Wow! Harry, you two really do love each other! That's two points.

HARRY (eyes twitching)

I. Hate. You. Guys. I'm outta here!

BIT

Security!

(BENJAMIN and SEBASTIAN come out, politely ask QUATRE to stand, and tape HARRY to QUATRE's chair. QUATRE sits on HARRY's lap and starts kissing him uncontrollably)

Don't feel too bad, Quatre! You'll be the one standing for the next round. So far, you two are in the lead with four points, tailing closely are Pierce and Jamie with three, followed by Leyon and Steven and Naomi and Leena with two. Right now, let's cut over to a commercial.

(cheesy theme music is played, and the first commercial begins. SARAH appears on the screen)

SARAH

Hello, my name is Sarah. You may all recognize me from the Backdraft Organization. I come to you today with a special question: How often doyou really get what you want? Have you achieved that goal of taking of the Zoids Battle Commission yet? How about getting your own Ultimate X and a pilot to go along with it, who actually always listens to whatever you ask? Even if you don't want these highly desired goals, what about the less common ones, like global conquest, a million dollars, that pretty girl who you've loved all your life? Well, many people make these goals more attainable by incorporating an eager to please attitude. Simply act nice around those who give you what you want, and they'll give it to you eventually.

Now I know, many people have degraded this practice, calling it brown-nosing, kissing up, or my little personal favorite (chuckles to herself) sucking up, but they're just jealous that they don't have my talent. Now, I present to you my latest novel, **Manipulation Made Easy**. You may have heard about my other novels, such as **How to Look Evil and Yet… Sooo Attractive, ** or my debut, **All About Sarah.** You see, manipulation is an art that has been passed on for generations, and is still commonly used today. It is the way most people get to the top of the corporate ladder. If you do it right, you can do it faster, easier, and actually enjoy the process. Call right now, and get my novel for the low, low price of $199.99. Shipping and handling included. Check our web site to actually see people who have made a name for themselves.

LEENA

Who do I have to sleep with around here to get some extra prize money?

BRAD

I'll take that offer!

SARAH

You see, by simply offering something that someone else wants, Leena has just achieved getting a larger share of the prize money. Call now, and get one of my other books half price. That's right, call and get both **Manipulation Made Easy ** and either one of my others for the discount of $300. Cash and Credit Card only, no POD's.

(commercial ends, and BIT reappears.)

BIT

Welcome one! Welcome all! We are back on the popular game show, the Newlywed Game, and as you all should know, I'm your host, Bit Cloud. Now on to round two. This time, the wives will be asked the questions and the husbands will write down the answers. Every question in this round is worth at least two points, depending on my judgment of the quality of the answers. Let's keep in mind, people, children watch this show, so we must do our best to keep it kosher, got it? (contestants nod) Okay, switch places, and onto question number four! What is your favorite position? Team one.

NAOMI

Gun Sniper style…

BIT

Leena, you answer.

(LEENA holds up sign, which reads, 'Gun Sniper' style)

Girls, girls, girls! Please elaborate to me how that's possible…

NAOMI

Well, in our little Gun Sniper mating ritual, we got these really long dildos, and tied them to our waists like tails. Then, we hoisted our rears in the air, sticking the tails up…

BIT

That's enough! I really gotta stop asking these types of questions I know I'll regret. Team two! Although I suppose there's only one position…

LEYON

That is so stereotypical to say… there's legs hoisted in the air, missionary, sideways…

BIT

You do realize I'm talking about two guys, right?

LEYON

I know. That's what I'm telling you!

BIT

Okay. Before one of you explains to me how that's possible, what is your favorite position?

LEYON

Prison style, you know, from the rear?

BIT

Time out! If you went into all that detail about other positions, why would you just answer with the one I was thinking?

LEYON

Because ignorance is not a bliss…

BIT

Yes it is, FYI! Now, Steve, answer this question!

(STEVE holds up a sign, which reads, 'Prison style')

Okay, that's two points for you two. Team number three.

(JAMIE tries to write but WILD EAGLE takes over)

PIERCE

Being that we've enjoyed sky dive sex, there's no position that we dislike!

BIT (voice cracks)

I was afraid you'd say something like that… Jamie, I mean, Wild Eagle?

(WILD EAGLE holds up sign which reads 'Any way we can think of..')

Geez! That's two points. Team four! Your turn!

QUATRE

Well, you see, I like all of them, but none are my favorite. I just like to (mumbles).

BIT

I'm sorry, I can't hear you. Either answer the question clearly, or you don't get the point.

(QUATRE walks over, whispering to the judges and BIT, LEON practically covers VEGA's ears to keep him from hearing anything.)

Okayyy… I see your point. Harry!

(HARRY holds up a sign, and it reads 'BLOW ME!')

BIT

You know, that's exactly right! Well sort of! I guess that we'll just give you two points instead of four. The thing your partner suggested was a 69. You must know your lover very well.

HARRY

He's not my lover! Why me?

BIT

Next question: What do you like most about your lover? Team one!

NAOMI

That's easy. Everything! What's not to like about Leena?

(LEENA holds up a sign that says, 'I'm Perfect in Every Way!')

BIT

That's two points for you. Team two?

PIERCE

I would have to say his suave confidence.

BIT

Okay, Jamie?

(once again, WILD EAGLE takes over, and holds up sign saying 'My Suave Confidence.' Another pair of panties is thrown, this time by NAOMI.)

LEENA (gasps)

Naomi! After that lecture you gave me?

NAOMI

What can I say? I couldn't help it… If you can do it, so can I. Besides, I love confidence, that's what attracts me to you.

LEENA (blushing and talking with a playful flirt)

Well aren't you the cute one. (They kiss) Nice save, though… (they continue kissimg)

BIT

I'm giving you four points for the simple answer. Team three?

LEYON

It would have to be my technological genius.

BIT

Okay, that's not dirty. Steve?

(Holds up a sign that reads 'His big d***'. Entire audience sweat drops. LEYON blushes)

VEGA

D***? What's that?

(LEON whispers in his ear)

  


Wow! No way! I never knew that was a word for it…

PIERCE (giggling to herself)

I did… and that's not the only one, is it, Jamie?

(JAMIE blushes)

BIT

Sorry team three, no points for you. Team four, and please make it quick and as unelaborated as possible!

QUATRE

What's not to like? I love everything about him!

(HARRY holds up a sign that says 'BITE ME!')

BIT

Wow! Sorry, I guess you don't get points either…

(HARRY sighs out of relief)

QUATRE

Harry, my love… sighing over me? I love you so much!

HARRY

Cram it, butt cheek…

QUATRE (flirtatiously)

Why, Harry, cram it where?

HARRY

Arghhh!

BIT

Okay, final question of round two… what is your partner's favorite food? Team one…

NAOMI

You've really gotta start asking harder questions. It's hot and spicy food, isn't that right, Leena dear?

(LEENA holds up a sign that reads 'The hots! Yeah baby!')

BIT

Guess that was kinda easy, but keep in mind you have yet to be in the lead. Three points for you, on to team two…

LEYON (gleefully)

NOODLES!

BIT

Uh, isn't that your favorite food?

LEYON

NOODLES!

BIT (sweatdrops)

Well, can't argue with that… Steve?

(STEVE holds up a sign that says, 'Tacos, dumbassed baka!')

Well, that says it, sorry Leyon.

LEYON

NOODLES!

BIT (sweat drops again)

Well what is it that your man likes, Pierce?

PIERCE

Chicken, of course. No wait, **_baked _**chicken.

BIT

Nice of you to specify… Jamie?

(JAMIE holds up sign that says 'chicken'. All girls in the audience take out a pen and paper, writing this fact down.)

Well, that gives you two points. Team Four?

QUATRE

HARRY!

BIT

Why does that sound familiar…

LEYON

NOODLES!

BIT (sweat drops)

I had to ask. What's your answer, Harry?

(HARRY holds up a sign that reads 'BITE ME!')

Okay, I guess that counts! Four points for team four! Okay, that's the end of round two. Now, the bonus round, where the final question of the game is worth ten points. You have to tell me what song you think would best describe your relationship, husbands, and you must give me a good enough reason. You have to convince me and your wives, so let's get this started. Team one…

LEENA

I think it would be "Incredible," by Brian McKnight. I feel that you're more than wonderful, more than amazing…

BIT

Wow! Powerful choice. I buy it. Naomi?

(NAOMI doesn't answer, but runs up to LEENA and hugs her, tears in her eyes.)

Well, that's good enough. Ten points for team one. That's eighteen for the final score. Team two?

STEVE

Supercalifragilisticexpialodocious!

(once again, the entire room sweatdrops.)

BIT

I'm not even gonna ask. No points for you, so that's an instant loss. Team three.

JAMIE

One song will not cover our relationship, I have two that describe it. Is that okay?

BIT

Sure, I guess. Keen insight.

JAMIE

Thanks! I'd say "Love," by Musiq Soulchild and "I Believe I Can Fly" by R. Kelly. Both tell my love that I was nothing before I found her, and she's changed my life ever since. I would die if I ever lost her, and she's all I need.

(PIERCE just hugs him, and they engage in a passionate kiss, all females cheering)

BIT

Wow! This has gotta be the best part of the show. All these good songs. Finally, team four. What say you?

HARRY

I'd say "Crazy," by Brittney Spears. All of you guys are nuts, and you're gonna drive me insane. I hat you all!

QUATRE

Wow, you're so passionate about us, Harry!

(glomps him again)

BIT

Yeah, I'll buy it. Relationships do get a little hectic sometimes… ten points for team four!

HARRY

What? That's got nothing to do with my explanation!

BIT

Harry, don't get so mad. Ten points is all I could give you. Please, all you have to do is win the tiebreaker.

HARRY

Arghhh! 

(passes out, QUATRE tries to perform CPR, HARRY awakens with the quickness, holding a gun to QUATRE's forehead.)

Don't even…

QUATRE

Oh, Harry! You're so demanding!

(PIERCE starts crying)

JAMIE

What's wrong, turtledove?

PIERCE

It's just so beautiful! Look at them. How can we deprive them of the prize? Let's just forfeit.

JAMIE (hugs PIERCE)

Awww, honey… I know how much this meant to you…

(females all say 'Awww…')

BIT (crying)

That's so nice! I think both teams deserve the first prize. Tell them what they've won!

SEBASTIAN

You've all won an all-expense paid trip to Jamaica! There, you'll stay for a month, soaking in rays and riding the waves! At night, things are certain to get heated, so have fun!

PIERCE (hugging JAMIE)

Oh Jamie! That's wonderful!

(JAMIE reverts to WILD EAGLE)

WILD EAGLE

I know! I get to see that bikini again! 

(PIERCE blushes) 

Congratulations Harry!

HARRY

What the hell are you talking about? I'm outta here!

(HARRY run out, SEBASTIAN, BENJAMIN and QUATRE chasing him)

QUATRE

Honey! Wait for me!

BIT

Because Harry has just left the building, no doubt so he can start packing, we'll just go to the credits. Next time on the Newlywed Game, we'll have two Super Saiyans for ya', a Pokemon and a goat, and Ashley Dugger and Yusef Pittman! Roll credits, see you tomorrow!

(credits roll and theme song plays)

__________

Well, so what did you think? I've been working on this all day! In the event that I post it and the format is wrong, here's what it's supposed to look like. The setting and stage directions/actions are supposed to be in parentheses, and names of characters right before their dialogues, as well as stage directions/actions are all capitalized, names before the dialogue are centered right above it, and except for stage directions/actions that appear beside the names that come before that character's dialogue, all stage directions/ actions should appear on the right. I'll have this posted tonight or tomorrow! Assalaamu 'Alaikam!

-Yusef "The B.A.T." Pittman

P.S.- If you want a readable copy, email me and I'll send one to you. That's to apologize for any inconveniences if it's not readable.


End file.
